I have really been praying hard that God will change my way of looking at things. See, we have been staying with family the last little bit and I feel that I have missed soooo much with Aaron being little. Now are those things major, not really, but to a momma...yes! He didn't get a nursery set up, I am selfish and don't want to share all of his first with everyone. I want some to just be for us, then later get to share it with the gparents. I have been taking camera pictures like a mad woman, but we haven't had the finances to keep up with professional pics like we did with Seth. And altho Seth wore hand-me-downs, he had plenty of his own clothes that we bought him. Not so much the case with Aaron.(he still has had new clothes just not the same amount)
He is a well rounded happy child that knows without a doubt he is loved. He has all the basic needs taken care of and then some, so there is no reason to technically be upset but you momma's understand i'm sure. My prayer has been that instead of dwelling on the 'missed' I focus soley on what we did share and have with him. If I put just as much effort into getting his book together, taking my pictures to be blown up and do my own editing and retell him the wonderful memories we had with him as a baby, he will never know that I feel he was slighted unless I tell him (or 15yrs later he finds this blog post!) I have really put in a lot of time and energy getting things together for him, and ya know what...he actually got a lot that I didn't realize. My focus had just been on the wrong thing.
Has this feeling happend to any of you, and how did you deal with it?
Here's some pics of my little bug...
3 comments:
It is easy to compare the "lack" of stuff the 2nd baby gets. 95% of Ella's clothes are handed down from Maddi, and the other 5% was bought by someone else. I just didn't feel it was necessary to buy a bunch of clothes for her, when we had perfectly good ones. Now I feel bad for her, since Brayden will get mostly new ones, but the good thing is Ella doesn't know any different.
It is hard to be surrounded by family 24/7, we lived with my grandpa and feel like there is no escaping. As far as all the firsts that you had to share, there will be plenty you don't have to share when he grows up. And believe me, he will never know how you feel, because once you get into your own house, things will get back to normal for you!!
Love and miss you!
Yeah, of course you know I can relate to some of this. We don't keep up with prof pics and stuff like that at all, because of the $$. So many many things are because of the $$ I try really super hard not to focus on it. Many times I'm weak and get upset, but all I can do it pray (like you said) and focus on the wonderful things.
I can't relate to the 2nd child issues but I can say that you guys are wonderful parents & have two awesome little boys. You do a lot right :) Don't be so hard on yourself.
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