Saturday, August 24, 2013

What happened...

When I started this blog it was to keep memories of my kids and whatever randoms popped into my head.   However, it didn't take me long to find the awesomeness that is blogging. Soon I fell in love with craft blogs, fashion blog, sarcastic/keep it real blogs and I wanted to be just like them. 

I joined in linky parties, I commented on blogs and hoped that someone noticed me, I fashioned my writing style after bloggers that I admired. I made crafts not because I wanted to, but because I needed a craft blog.  I searched for any topic I could write about, just as long as I wrote something and obsessed over my stats to see who and from where people were reading.  I became a blog that was about everyone/thing, but me-or the real me!

It was a lot of stress to keep up with all of that.  I got overwhelmed and just stopped blogging.  What I didn't stop though, was trying to keep up being like others, rather than just being myself.

This last year has been a growing year for me.  I've incorporated a million things into my life.  Most because I wanted to jump on board with whatever the "in" thing happened to be.  Some stuck because I realized I liked it, while other fell to the wayside.  In the middle of being like everyone else, I was frustrated because it was exhausting and I just really wanted to be me.  Buuut, the problem with that was that I didn't really like me because I had so many expectation on myself of what I needed to be to keep up.  I needed to be healthier, do more crafts with my kids, get dressed every day, have a clean house with food on the table by 5.  The list went on and on, especially as I saw all the posts and pictures of friends who seemed to be able to accomplish so much and keep everything together.  Why could I not be like that too??

After a slight mental breakdown from the stress of it all (poor John lol), it all had to stop.  I took a break from everything but my family and came up with a game plan.  I'm now learning to love me for me-imperfections and all.  I sat down and listed all the things that made me unhappy about me.  Then I listed what I was going to do to fix them.  On some things I can not "fix" necessarily, but will have to learn to accept my limitations.

I'm never going to be the crossfit queen or the tall/lean body type exactly like my friend Charity.
I'm never going to be organized or a craft queen exactly like my friend MaryRuth.
I'm never going to be able to make a beautiful decorated house out of amazing sales and garage sale finds exactly like my sister Rachel
I'm never going to be as dedicated to eating healthy or clean lifestyle exactly like my friend Ashley
I'm never going to be a cute dresser like so many of my friends, I have no fashion sense.  And...
I'm never going to have a "strong woman" personality like my friends Amanda and Katie. 

I love and adore each of these friends listed, and so many more, for different reasons.  I'd love to be half the women they are and I admire them for each of their amazing qualities and can only hope that they rub off on me a little.  Couldn't hurt right?! ;)

Buuut, what I'm learning is that in my quest to be exactly like my friends is that I need to learn what makes me.  They are the reason I have learned so many things about myself.  They have many times been my rock and support-sometimes they knew they were, sometimes they didn't.  Always these ladies are an inspiration to me!!!  I now know...

I love running and it is beginning to change me into a fit person for MY body type
I'm working on decluttering my life and in doing so, finding organization that works for me.
I may have to ask for help in decoration my house, but I'm learning I'm actually really good when it comes to power tools and DIY projects.
I have found a healthy/clean eating style that works for my whole family and doesn't seem too daunting
If I try to step out of my comfort zone a little at a time, I can kinda clean up ok.  Annnd...
I'm learning I'm much stronger than I give myself credit for.

I want to remember these change and the people who helped me get there.  All of this post , is to keep an account for myself here on this blog.  One day as I'm reading old posts, I'll stumble across this and remember this turning point in my life.  I hope to find myself much happier with me by then. 

So to anyone that still even reads this as a blog stop, I can't promise the frequency of my posts, but they will be honest, real, and FOR ME!  :)

If you have things that you are struggling with in your life, I challenge you to have a chat with yourself and see what you can do to make yourself happy.  I promise it will be worth it!

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