13.1

"Hey, we should run a half marathon together" said Amanda  "Sure, sounds fun" says me

Whaaaaa??!!  I know NOTHING about running a marathon!!! I'm not even back up to running a full 5K right now.  But what do I do...I sign up!

Early July, I talked with the hubs about pros/cons of doing this.  Before I signed, he just asked me to really think about why I wanted to run and if it was reason enough to stay dedicated to training.  I have to say, I think my reason is.

I wouldn't change my life for the world, please know that.  6 years ago and student teaching away from my degree, we found out we were having our first baby.  Of course we were excited, especially since we had to overcome some issues to even have him.  After talking with my professors, waiting till next semester was the best choice, as he was due during the smack middle of the semester.  Well, our little bundle was born in Oct.  Jan rolled around and guess who didn't go back to school.  I had no where for Seth to go.  Not only could we not afford daycare, but honestly, it just wasn't even considered an option for our family.  So I stayed home with him and said I'd finish later.  3 years and another child later,  still no school.  By this time, things had changed and not only did I still need to finish student teaching, but more classes had been added.  I still had no place for the boys to go, so I did what many have done...I started over.  I was able to get into online classes and work towards a new degree that would still put me in a setting I loved.  I worked towards a double major in Soc/Psy and have one semester left to finish-one day I will.  Yes again, another snag in the road and school is on hold.  This one is financial, but one day I WILL FINISH!

See a running theme in my life?  School is not the only area I have started something and never finished. I often let myself get discouraged about being an "uneducated" stay at home mom.  I find my self worth can sometimes get lost in the endless laundry and stack of dirty dishes.  Occasionally, I get upset thinking "Surely, I was meant for more than maid service".  I know that I am.  I know that my boys need me and we all benefit from me being home.  They are strong, smart, independent boys and I'd like to think I have a little something to do with it.  I have accomplished a lot in my life...but its all been for others.  Again, never would I trade it nor do I begrudge it. I love my life.
To me, this race is significant for the reason, it's a personal accomplishment.  This race will take training, commitment, determination.  I will have to run when I don't want to, train when I hurt, will myself to the end and sometimes cry till I get there.  My legs have hurt, my chest has burned and many times I thought it was impossible to physically keep going-and that's just 5 miles.  I still have 8 more miles to add to that.  But the day I cross that finish line, I will have finished!!!  I'm not worried about my time.  I not going to sweat it if I need to walk some.  My goal is simply to finish.
My goal needed to be at the almost impossible level, I didn't want it to be easy.  I wanted to stretch myself to the end of my limits and prove that I was capable of doing something I never thought possible.  So you can see, I need this for me!

So yes,  I think my goal is enough to keep me motivated to keep at it. What I'm showing my boys (including my husband) along this journey, is important to me.  On the weekends I go early in the morning, John will sometimes bring the boys down to the park and meet me for my cool down walk.  Sometimes I take the boys with me, they ride their bikes as I run beside them.  The trail we run has many hill and inclines.  At 6, 3, heck 33 even, they can be difficult to reach the top.  I will help push them along, as they tell me they can't do it.  "You CAN do it" I tell them.  "It may be hard, and you may have to go slow, but don't quit.  Keep trying"  Once we reach the top, I always make them stop.  We stand and look back to see just how far we make it. I want them to see what they accomplished and feel proud that they did it.  My oldest said once "Whew, I didn't think I could do it Mommy.  I must be stronger than I thought I was"  Yes baby, you are.  THAT'S what I want you to learn.  You are stronger than you think, you can make it if you just try a little longer.  And don't let the sight of something so big up ahead, stop you from even trying.

This race is so much more than just running 13.1 miles. It's a personal goal that is met, it's teaching my boys that it's not always going to be easy.  Sometimes you may have to take a break, but that is not stopping.  You catch your breath, get back up and keep going.  Believe in yourself and make up your mind it WILL NOT BEAT YOU!!!. 

It may sound silly to get so wrapped up in all that this means for me-my family.  But that's ok.  You don't have to understand it.  This one...this one's for me!