13.1

"Hey, we should run a half marathon together" said Amanda  "Sure, sounds fun" says me

Whaaaaa??!!  I know NOTHING about running a marathon!!! I'm not even back up to running a full 5K right now.  But what do I do...I sign up!

Early July, I talked with the hubs about pros/cons of doing this.  Before I signed, he just asked me to really think about why I wanted to run and if it was reason enough to stay dedicated to training.  I have to say, I think my reason is.

I wouldn't change my life for the world, please know that.  6 years ago and student teaching away from my degree, we found out we were having our first baby.  Of course we were excited, especially since we had to overcome some issues to even have him.  After talking with my professors, waiting till next semester was the best choice, as he was due during the smack middle of the semester.  Well, our little bundle was born in Oct.  Jan rolled around and guess who didn't go back to school.  I had no where for Seth to go.  Not only could we not afford daycare, but honestly, it just wasn't even considered an option for our family.  So I stayed home with him and said I'd finish later.  3 years and another child later,  still no school.  By this time, things had changed and not only did I still need to finish student teaching, but more classes had been added.  I still had no place for the boys to go, so I did what many have done...I started over.  I was able to get into online classes and work towards a new degree that would still put me in a setting I loved.  I worked towards a double major in Soc/Psy and have one semester left to finish-one day I will.  Yes again, another snag in the road and school is on hold.  This one is financial, but one day I WILL FINISH!

See a running theme in my life?  School is not the only area I have started something and never finished. I often let myself get discouraged about being an "uneducated" stay at home mom.  I find my self worth can sometimes get lost in the endless laundry and stack of dirty dishes.  Occasionally, I get upset thinking "Surely, I was meant for more than maid service".  I know that I am.  I know that my boys need me and we all benefit from me being home.  They are strong, smart, independent boys and I'd like to think I have a little something to do with it.  I have accomplished a lot in my life...but its all been for others.  Again, never would I trade it nor do I begrudge it. I love my life.
To me, this race is significant for the reason, it's a personal accomplishment.  This race will take training, commitment, determination.  I will have to run when I don't want to, train when I hurt, will myself to the end and sometimes cry till I get there.  My legs have hurt, my chest has burned and many times I thought it was impossible to physically keep going-and that's just 5 miles.  I still have 8 more miles to add to that.  But the day I cross that finish line, I will have finished!!!  I'm not worried about my time.  I not going to sweat it if I need to walk some.  My goal is simply to finish.
My goal needed to be at the almost impossible level, I didn't want it to be easy.  I wanted to stretch myself to the end of my limits and prove that I was capable of doing something I never thought possible.  So you can see, I need this for me!

So yes,  I think my goal is enough to keep me motivated to keep at it. What I'm showing my boys (including my husband) along this journey, is important to me.  On the weekends I go early in the morning, John will sometimes bring the boys down to the park and meet me for my cool down walk.  Sometimes I take the boys with me, they ride their bikes as I run beside them.  The trail we run has many hill and inclines.  At 6, 3, heck 33 even, they can be difficult to reach the top.  I will help push them along, as they tell me they can't do it.  "You CAN do it" I tell them.  "It may be hard, and you may have to go slow, but don't quit.  Keep trying"  Once we reach the top, I always make them stop.  We stand and look back to see just how far we make it. I want them to see what they accomplished and feel proud that they did it.  My oldest said once "Whew, I didn't think I could do it Mommy.  I must be stronger than I thought I was"  Yes baby, you are.  THAT'S what I want you to learn.  You are stronger than you think, you can make it if you just try a little longer.  And don't let the sight of something so big up ahead, stop you from even trying.

This race is so much more than just running 13.1 miles. It's a personal goal that is met, it's teaching my boys that it's not always going to be easy.  Sometimes you may have to take a break, but that is not stopping.  You catch your breath, get back up and keep going.  Believe in yourself and make up your mind it WILL NOT BEAT YOU!!!. 

It may sound silly to get so wrapped up in all that this means for me-my family.  But that's ok.  You don't have to understand it.  This one...this one's for me!

What happened...

When I started this blog it was to keep memories of my kids and whatever randoms popped into my head.   However, it didn't take me long to find the awesomeness that is blogging. Soon I fell in love with craft blogs, fashion blog, sarcastic/keep it real blogs and I wanted to be just like them. 

I joined in linky parties, I commented on blogs and hoped that someone noticed me, I fashioned my writing style after bloggers that I admired. I made crafts not because I wanted to, but because I needed a craft blog.  I searched for any topic I could write about, just as long as I wrote something and obsessed over my stats to see who and from where people were reading.  I became a blog that was about everyone/thing, but me-or the real me!

It was a lot of stress to keep up with all of that.  I got overwhelmed and just stopped blogging.  What I didn't stop though, was trying to keep up being like others, rather than just being myself.

This last year has been a growing year for me.  I've incorporated a million things into my life.  Most because I wanted to jump on board with whatever the "in" thing happened to be.  Some stuck because I realized I liked it, while other fell to the wayside.  In the middle of being like everyone else, I was frustrated because it was exhausting and I just really wanted to be me.  Buuut, the problem with that was that I didn't really like me because I had so many expectation on myself of what I needed to be to keep up.  I needed to be healthier, do more crafts with my kids, get dressed every day, have a clean house with food on the table by 5.  The list went on and on, especially as I saw all the posts and pictures of friends who seemed to be able to accomplish so much and keep everything together.  Why could I not be like that too??

After a slight mental breakdown from the stress of it all (poor John lol), it all had to stop.  I took a break from everything but my family and came up with a game plan.  I'm now learning to love me for me-imperfections and all.  I sat down and listed all the things that made me unhappy about me.  Then I listed what I was going to do to fix them.  On some things I can not "fix" necessarily, but will have to learn to accept my limitations.

I'm never going to be the crossfit queen or the tall/lean body type exactly like my friend Charity.
I'm never going to be organized or a craft queen exactly like my friend MaryRuth.
I'm never going to be able to make a beautiful decorated house out of amazing sales and garage sale finds exactly like my sister Rachel
I'm never going to be as dedicated to eating healthy or clean lifestyle exactly like my friend Ashley
I'm never going to be a cute dresser like so many of my friends, I have no fashion sense.  And...
I'm never going to have a "strong woman" personality like my friends Amanda and Katie. 

I love and adore each of these friends listed, and so many more, for different reasons.  I'd love to be half the women they are and I admire them for each of their amazing qualities and can only hope that they rub off on me a little.  Couldn't hurt right?! ;)

Buuut, what I'm learning is that in my quest to be exactly like my friends is that I need to learn what makes me.  They are the reason I have learned so many things about myself.  They have many times been my rock and support-sometimes they knew they were, sometimes they didn't.  Always these ladies are an inspiration to me!!!  I now know...

I love running and it is beginning to change me into a fit person for MY body type
I'm working on decluttering my life and in doing so, finding organization that works for me.
I may have to ask for help in decoration my house, but I'm learning I'm actually really good when it comes to power tools and DIY projects.
I have found a healthy/clean eating style that works for my whole family and doesn't seem too daunting
If I try to step out of my comfort zone a little at a time, I can kinda clean up ok.  Annnd...
I'm learning I'm much stronger than I give myself credit for.

I want to remember these change and the people who helped me get there.  All of this post , is to keep an account for myself here on this blog.  One day as I'm reading old posts, I'll stumble across this and remember this turning point in my life.  I hope to find myself much happier with me by then. 

So to anyone that still even reads this as a blog stop, I can't promise the frequency of my posts, but they will be honest, real, and FOR ME!  :)

If you have things that you are struggling with in your life, I challenge you to have a chat with yourself and see what you can do to make yourself happy.  I promise it will be worth it!

Excited

Next week I start Crossfit!!!  I'm so excited, and scared to death at the same time. When I went to my trial class, it was incredibly awesome.  It pushed me so hard I got sick and threw up all over the place. The trainer gave me my space for a bit, then stepped around and told me to get back out there. It was only an hour class, but I swear I could tell a major differece afterwards.

So Wed morning, 5:30 I'm not sure what I will be doing exactly, but I can assure you I'll be barely moving afterwards!!!

I just blinked and...

Seth is now old enough to start school.  I'm taking this a lot harder than I thought I would.  I'm excited for him because I know he will love it and that makes me happy.  But for almost 6 years we have been together everyday, so this is a big adjustment  for me-he's taking it all in stride in case you were wondering.

Seth,

I am proud of the young man you are becoming.  You have a big heart and the compassion for others to go with it.  You teach me daily, lessons I should be teaching you.  I love how when we are having a rough day or life gets tough for dad and me,  you turn right back  and make us hold true to what we have tried to teach you.  "Let's just pray about it mom, God will help us"  You are a daily example of God's love.  I love that in all the 5 years of your life, you have never had what I would consider a bad day or even a bad mood.  You have always been such a happy little man, with a song for everything.  Your passion for life is exciting and I can't wait to see the great things you accomplish in life.

Love you smaller than a paramecium
Love you medium like an oak tree
Love you  bigger than seven giganotosaurus' standing on top of each other

Gettin my healthy on

I'm trying to stay calm and not get too excited with the changes I am seeing in my body!

On July 24, I went with a friend to see what Crossfit was all about. It was intense, muscle aching, puke inducing awesomeness!!!

Yes, sadly at 6am, no food on my belly, burpee's got the best of me. I yaked all over on the side of the building but could have gone back for more workout, except I was too embarrassed. Not because I puked, I was actually proud that I pushed myself hard enough to do that, but due to having kids and a weak bladder...well you can see where this is going lol.
So I packed up my incontinent self and went home!

But it wasn't a "oh that was a cool experience" kind of thing. It sparked a new desire for a different type of exercise. I still go to Zumba and love it, but I may actually like strength training. I've met various friends since then and worked out with at parks, backyards, living rooms anywhere someone was willing. I bought kettle bells and John has even joined me. I'm really enjoying it, and talk about stress relief!

So 5 days ago I started a challenge (the Crossfit place was doing it, so I joined in on my own). It's 21 days doing 60 pushups. Now I have baby whimpy arms and can't lift my body weight to save my life. But in just these few short days my arms are toner, my waist is tightening and I feel my strength increasing. I am doing modified pushups right now but I am working my way to full pushups. I started struggling to make it through just one set of 10, and I can now do 3 sets of 20!!!!!!

I know to some this is still whimpy, but I don't care I AM PROUD!!!

I can't wait to share before and afters of my arms. Be excited, you all have tickets to the gun show ;)

Life

Life is funny sometimes.  You work so hard to get where you want to be, and achieve all the things you've prayed for only to have other areas that you thought were secure fall totally apart!  I'm sure there is a lesson to be learned in all of that, but sometimes it can be a really hard pill to swallow. 

So instead of focusing on negatives, I'm trying to focus on all the new things that are happening. 
School...Seth is starting and I am stopping.  Both are very bittersweet.  I am excited that Seth is starting K, he loves to learn and I know will enjoy it. It's hard because then it means he won't be with me during the day. That makes me sad. He can drive me bonkers at time, but I love being around him.  And my school, I'm sad that this semester is not going to work out, however, I'm glad that I'll be around and totally free to do whatever for this year.

And in 4 months, we have almost completely finished projects on the house.  After the hot water heater flooded we had to put things into high gear so we could get it all completed before the new carpet was laid. I'm loving the colors and how it's turning out.  Pictures are coming soon!!!

We go on vacation next week and I. CAN'T. WAIT!!!  We are not getting to go far, but Tanglewood Resort was running a special so we took advantage of that.  Close enough that it is not going to be a huge traveling expense, but far enough out that we feel we are away. Putting everything to the side and enjoying some time with the family is just what I need! :)

Why Hello...

I've missed blogging, and I'm baaaack!!!

Life got crazy there for awhile but I feel as if things have settled down enough that I can start back consistantly. 

So much has happened but in due time I will catch you all up. So for today, I will just share some photo's. Excited to catch up on all of you!

mmmm pudding

4am party in mommy and daddy's bed

my little paleontologist